Nahno McLein

I planned to give you my Mozzarella poem on this week's special Sunday post, but I just stumbled across Christine's blog and her Blogfest. Now I'd like to share my experience with editing instead.

Most contestants have submitted prose writing, but I found the editing of this particular poem very insightful. Some may have read this poem before on this blog, but the new version is a first on here.

This is the old poem:

One of my assignments at Uni was to refurbish an old piece of work and make something completely new out of it. First I was reluctant to change too much. I liked the old set-up, the rhymes and the meaning. Who would have thought I'd like the new one even better.

See, the new one is not bound by the generic conventions of the strict form. With free verse, I could increase the speed and make the rhymes less predictable. The short lines also contribute to rhythm and especially in the end convey the hopeful look into the future.

Same as in prose, cutting the unnecessary is important in poetry, as well as showing what is happening. I tried to do that in both poems, but I think the second one is clearer.

Thank you for the challenge, Christine.
PS: A little advice: Write first, edit later. Leaving the poem for a few months has helped me create some distance and an objective view.

Did you ever think about seeing lists as art, as poetry, as a piece of writing that can have a greater meaning?
Japanese Sei Shonagon definitely sees that in list. In The Pillow Book of Sei Shonagon she uses 164 lists, showing contrahents and expressing whatever she wanted to. For her, as a writer one can include whatever one wants. Good to know!

Titles of her lists include: Things that cannot be compared, Things that lost their power, People who seem to suffer, Things that gain by being painted, Things that loose by being painted...

Now I wrote some on my own:
...